This is the hardest post/letter I have yet to write BUT it is the one that springs hope. You are now a beautiful young lady of 18 embarking on a further education and life of your own. You have freedoms that you never had before. You are allowed to make your own decisions and do as you please. I too have a new freedom and that is the right to contact you without retribution.
For the first 8 years of your life I was a very significant part of your life. We spent many hours together, just you and I, doing so many different things; hiking, playing whiffleball, doing crafts, flying kites, riding bikes, seeing the horses at Rowe's Farm on Sundays, Thursday dinners at The Catfish, train trips to New York City and so much more. We laughed at so many silly things and always had fun. You showed your intelligence and superlative sense of humor from the very start and I know if you still have that sense of humor, it came from me, no one else. You were the apple of my eye and the sugar of my life. I loved you with all my heart and that has never, EVER wavered.
I want you to know that whatever memories you have of me, they could only possibly be good ones for there are NO instances where you were EVER harmed or put in harms way by me. While I made a couple of mistakes, I have since learned that they did not justify being removed from your life completely. I have no idea what you have been told, but I was basically removed from your life based around money, of which your mother had/has plenty and I was struggling at the time. While losing you from my life devastated me for a couple of years, the pain slowly subsided, but the heartache has never diminished one bit. My love for you has never, ever faltered nor has my hope to be reunited with you someday.... after all you are still my daughter and I your father.
I have followed your progress from afar by way of parents of your friends in school and other means. I know of your musical interests and your corrective operation. I have a very recent picture showing an amazingly beautiful young woman that I know I had a part in developing. I wonder if you ever even think of me, the Dad who had you every day after school and 2 nights a week for 4 years. The Dad who cradled you on his chest on the entire fight from Hong Kong to LA. The Dad who read to you every single night.
So my intention is to somehow, someway have you realize that we should meet someday. I would be curious to know a reason why you would not. All these past 9 years, I have had to comply with a court order demanded by your mother that I have no contact with you. I did not abandon you or turn my back on you. You were taken from me over money. Period.
It would bother me terribly if, for some reason, you thought of me on any bad terms given the fact I never harmed you... you should at least hear my side of the story and/or ask me questions to nullify any misconceptions you have had about me all these years based on others comments. So I am asking you my lovely ZZ, would you please, PLEASE consider meeting me so we can have peace of mind. If after that you still feel the same way and would not like to stay in touch, I will go away forever, I promise, but with a void of the very simple question: Why?
I love you Z. Lily.
Love, Dad
PS - I live/work on the Winnipesaukee Railroad in NH now.... this is me this last Summer connecting two cars.
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