SCHOOL DAZE

Hey Zooma! It is almost school time once again and I bet you are excited. I miss you a lot. Remember when I used to pick you up from school almost everyday when you were in K thru 3? We'd walk home yakking the whole way and maybe go see Kenny's horses. Then we might play some baseball after "snack".

I remember the day the playoffs started in 2004 and we went inside and when the Red Sox scored their first run against the Angels in the first game, I got excited and you gave me a big hug and asked me if the Red Sox were my "favorite of all time". And I said "No, you are" and you threw your arms around my neck and almost chocked me!

We then went outside and I pitched to you for an hour while we stopped occasionally to hear the strains of the game on the TV. It was a beautiful Fall day and you were smacking the ball, "like Manny, right Dad"? Two weeks later, the Red Sox won the World Series! This picture is a few days later after I got my new WS hat, which you wore as we did one more "Manny"!

Jeremy and Amanda want you to know that they miss you and they love you too. Jeremy has a new job in the State House in Boston now and his Townies baseball team won its League Championship again. He did really well too!

Plato is having an operation today to remove a big lump on his shoulder. He has been sad lately and I bet he wishes he could see you too.

I was making another of my end tables in the garage the other day and thought of how much you used to be interested in my wood work back on Spring Lane, always helping me sweep or handing me tools with your big safety glasses on.

I love you to pieces ZZ and yearn for the day when I can see you again. This isn't fair and I hope you realize it is not my choice to stay away.

I love you, ZZ
DAD

Those were the days

Happy Birthday Zooma

Hi sweetie,

Wow, you are now 9 years old! Yippeeee! Happy Birthday!!!

I would love to send you a card or gift or call you to sing happy birthday but your mom won't let me. It hurts so bad to be so close to you and not hold your hand or hug you. I wonder what the theme of your party was this year? I haven't seen you for a while so I don't know what you are might be favorites with.

I may not be able to call you or see you but I can do what I did every single day for 8 years and that is right here tell you "I LOVE YOU". I told you that every day and every night when we were together. Every phone call we talked. Every night I go to sleep thinking about you I whisper it and know that it finds its way to you as you sleep. I hope you haven't forgotten me because that would make me sad. I miss you.

So, no matter how long it takes before I see you again, remember that I will always love you and even as we are cruelly robbed of our time together and the bond we so closely shared, that love will never, ever change Z. Lily because you are always right here in my heart, warm and safe and alive. Bye for now.

Love strong and always,
Dad

Say hey, say hi!

Hi Zooma,

Jeremy and Amanda both told me to tell you they miss you and wanted to say hi. They are busy with the many normal things. Amanda is working a lot and taking care of her nanny kids. I asked her to come over sometime soon to visit, maybe on a weekend when Jeremy can make it too.

Jeremy has a new job in the State House working for our local state representative and is playing a lot of baseball with the Rockport Townies. His name is in the paper a lot and he seems to be becoming the spokesperson for the team after the games.

Well, I just wanted to say hi and tell youi I miss you terribly.

Love you always and forever,

Dad

Summertime

Hi Z. Lily,

I hope you are having a good summer so far. I bet you are going to day camp. Probably like a fish in the pool and wacking a tennis ball around. Make me a wallet if you have a chance?

Did you go to the 4th of July parade? I did and it was pretty good. I watched it down near Flavs restaurant where we watched it together several times. Did you see the gorillas? They were funny. There weren't any jugglers this year though. I saw a few of your freinds and their parents that night and said hi to them. They wanted to know where you were but I didn't know of course. I wanted to look for you along the parade route but that is not allowed.

OH! Plato says hi! He misses you almost as much as I do Z. Lily. I think of you a lot when I see the kids taking sailing lessons down the hill from my house and wonder if you will be doing that in a couple more years. It hasn't been a real good beach year so far but I'll bet you have gone already.

Have you seen Alice, Lian and Libby this year at all? Do you guys still measure each other to see who is growing the fastest. You were the peanut when mommie and I first saw you in China but within a year or so you were the tallest! All that mac & cheese we figured.

You are going to be NINE in a couple of weeks!! Whoooa! I wish I could send you a card, buy you a gift or see you but I am not allowed to. Mommy won't let me. Just remember that I still love you very, very much and think of you a lot. Everyday I wish I could see you and make you giggle. I will always love you and know that someday I will see you again and hold your hand like we used to everyday after school. I even will remember how to skip....

Bye for now Zooma. I put a picture of a nice heart you drew for me 2 years ago. It is one of my favorites. I have lots of your drawings saved here along with all your China tapes and lots of pictures. I like to look at them sometimes when I miss you. I have to go now.

Be safe and tell Hippy and Piggy I said hi, ok?

Love, dad

Summer Memories Abound

Hey ZZ. I have been thinking about you everyday and everynight. I wonder how much you are confused by my disappearance. I missed you especially on Fathers Day. Every day it's hot out I think of all the times we went to the beach at Pebble. The picture I have here is a fun triple picture of you. I have lots of pictures of so many things we did. When Shrek the Third came out, Diane, Plato and I watched Shrek 2 and I remembered the first time we watched that together on the Acela train to New York City. You remember how we laughed so loud the conductor put his finger to his lips and we shrunk in our seats?

Zooma, I know you have a good memory and I know you have so many fond ones of us doing stuff together. I wish you knew how much I miss you and love you. I have giant sunflowers growing this year and remember when you were in your little wagon next to the mini sunflowers in our yard. Seems like so long ago. You were about 3 I think!

I tried to call the Little League office to find out what team you were on but they wouldn't tell me. I wanted to go to your games but someone told them I couldn't. I am so sorry. Remember 2 years ago when I was your T-ball coach and we all did "The Manny" and got ready in the field with our little yell? This is the team picture I took on the last day. That was special to me and I will always remember it because you got soooo much better at hitting the ball when I pitched to you afterwards. You asked me one day if I thought you could play on the Red Sox some day... Right now the Red Sox could use you because they have lost 5 of their last 6 but they will do better soon!

I often wonder about your dance lessons because even last year and before I never got to see you dance or know when your recital was. I have tapes of you and I dancing when you were a little girl. Your sister Amanda was in about 15 dance recitals and it always seemed like it was on the hottest day of the year.

I am going to get going to work now but just remember I think of you so much every day and I miss you tremendously. You will always be my little ZZ now matter if how much people want me to go away. My heart is broken knowing how much you must miss the fun and giggles we used to have. We always had fun and I know you will remember that the next time we meet. I love you Z. Lily and always will. I will make another entry here soon!!! Happy 4th of July!

ZLily.com

Introduction

This is a blog of love for my little girl Z. Lily. Z. Lily was first placed in my arms in China in April of 1999 at age 9 months. I held her on my chest while flying home across the Pacific. For 8 years I have been an intergral part of her life. From gathering her from school to play 4 days a week to teaching her how to hit a baseball like Manny. We hiked the woods, climbed rocks and walked atop the Empire State Building. We rode a train going 155 mph and we laid on the grass giggling and tickling. We made silly hats and we mocked "Donkey" on Shrek. We howled at Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and we marched in the Memorial Day parade. I love my ZZ and always will.

Now I have been ordered to never see Z. Lily again by a cold, unfair probation person in the bowels of a filthy court house. A woman that knew nothing of my love for ZZ and a woman who gave me no chance whatsoever to challenge the information presented to her in documents that had since been proven false in a court of law. The court can order me to not persue seeing her but they can't stop me from expessing my love for her or revealing the truth about myself or others who have presented false illusions and assumptions.

So, I will occasionally make entries here as a diary for Z. Lily to read someday. Messages of love and progress, patiently waiting for justice and God's will. When she does seek the information, she will find out how hard I worked to see her up to this point and changes I made to responsibly maintain my valued inclusion in her life. I have retained positive emails and letters that prove my attempts to be involved as well as documents that indicate the fervent, blind vindication that opposed me and won. Truth will out.

To learn more about my trip to China to find ZZ and to view fun pictures through the years that I knew her, visit Z Lily.com.