Hello my beautiful precious Z. Lily.

Christmas is upon us and now for the 6th year I don't get to see you live the joy of the holidays. I hope you are doing well and your grades are up to your mothers standards. I saw your mother several times in the past month but she doesn't want to even acknowledge me. Too bad she made the wrong decision and now has to live with it. 

Right now I am staying in Boston with a friend. She has 2 great kitties that crawl all over me. She is in the Air Force Reserves and travels every few weeks so I cat sit and take care of the house. She has lots of Asian artifacts too! She is really funny and fun. You'd like her. I often wonder, given the nature of the beast, if there is any humor in your life since I was ripped away from you.

Anyway, I wanted to send you a holiday message of love and hope. Someday you will get to read all these posts and have some serious questions for your mother. We didn't deserve to be torn apart. She knows it too.

I love you ZZ.... and I will always cherish your beauty and soul in my heart where there is a special chamber just for you.

Dad

I Love You ZZ!!!!!

Hello Zumma,

Daddy does and will always love you. So much to report. Jeremy got married in a beautiful ceremony on a NH lake. Amanda was in a beauty pageant and placed 3rd! Now she's moving to Seattle to fulfill a flying trapeze dream.

It is so painful to be apart from you because of the bond we formed and the great adventure it was to find you. I hope your mother is happy with the decision to keep me away from you for all these years. I love you!

Dad

Hi ZZ,

Just renewed zlily.com again... hoping someday you will find your website and learn the truth. I miss you tremendously and realize your birthday is coming up next week. I casn only imagine all the wonderful pleasures you have experienced growing up in Rockport... the ones that have been stolen from me. I love you ZZ...

Dad

My ZZ

Hi Zooma,


Daddy loves you and misses you all the time.

Where I get these pictures, that is a secret. They are treasured by me each and every time. I am glad I have friends who realize my sadness in not getting to see you grow up and they help share you. I long to see your hobbies, your recitals, your personality.... you had my sense of fun-loving humor when I last saw you, but now I wonder if all effects of my presence in your life have been erased. I know the memory of me is not erased from your mind... you still wonder, as I do.

Jeremy is getting married in July to Mandee, a great girl. The wedding is in New Hampshire. Amanda is running her own health/fitness business and is doing well.... very busy and happy she is. I think she still does trapeze once in a while too! I am doing well but your absence is a sad void in my life.

Every time I get on a train I think of you.... I look at the pictures of our trips to NYC and others and wonder why it has to be this way. Someday you will know the truth and you will have more questions for your mother than you will for me.

I love you and always will. I never harmed you or meant any harm to you. I hope you understand that in the end.

Love,
Always your father,
Dad